MIL Sabotages Daughter-in-Law’s Allergy Requests, Faces Fallout After Final Incident
This dairy allergy woman has had trouble for years working her schedule around family dinners from her future MIL who also happens to be quite the dairy dog, shrugging in the face of the dairy-free diet her future daughter-in-law has to live through in order to fucking survive on the earth. Even though both the woman and her fiancé have made it painfully clear that it was a petite and extreme allergy — the MIL can’t seem to stop adding dairy to every single dish or making plans with houseguests, then forgetting, insisting it’s chronic amnesia every time, or insisting the allergy isn’t as bad as it is.
The situation escalated after a disastrous “apology dinner” where the MIL was seen trying to slide butter onto a dairy-free dish the woman had brought over. Witnesses from the rest of the family remember her break the moment when the fiancé accused his mother of sabotaging the relationship. After this run-in, the woman went NC with the MIL but stayed in touch with the rest of the family, as did her fiancé.
Having meals together is a common way for family members to bond
This woman’s MIL would add ingredients she was allergic to into the food she was making
Respecting Allergies and the Consequences of Dismissing Boundaries
The issues are more widespread than that this story suggests: learning to respect the dietary needs of other people around you, setting boundaries with toxic family members, and simply realizing that, at a fundamental level, putting someone else’s health at risk for your own personal motives is not okay.
The Importance of Respecting Dietary Restrictions
Regardless of the severity, allergies must always be taken seriously. Mayo Clinic states that even non-anaphylactic reactions such as inflammation due to food allergies or intolerances can severely impact a persons quality of life. Here, not only did the woman feel like her MIL dismissed her allergy but she further went on to sabotage her efforts to take care of herself which is a borderline unsafe behavior.
Taking a couple of scoops of a meal before adding allergens is a very easy and inclusive effort. That the MIL has repeatedly failed to take this step indicates either willful blindness, or deliberate malice — both of which demonstrate complete disregard for the welfare of the woman.
The Role of Partners in Navigating Difficult In-Law Relationships
In this scenario, the fiancé played a crucial role as a supporter. When a partner feels judged or excluded, their partner often serves as the mediator between them and the in-laws. The fiancé is the one who was able to stand up to the woman’s mother and make it clear how serious the situation is and help reinforced boundaries set by the woman, emphasizing that hobbies and comfort are secondary to health.
Research in Journal of Family Psychology has shown that couples who stand united in differing family conflict are more likely to enjoy strong, healthy relationships. And standing up to his mother and ultimately advocating for no contact shows that he is willing to suffer that pain to protect the relationship from more harm.
The Fallout of Boundary Violations
The apology dinner is the last place a grown adult’s behavior should result in the dramatic fallout seen here, which is indicative of the repercussions that can arise when you keep pushing boundaries. This post also delivers a clear message about the breakdown of MIL (mother-in-law) and how unchecked behavior can cause breaks in families — even while her husband is complaining, threatening to leave, and crying.
Going no-contact with the MIL is a healthy middle ground, as you could go on to talk to the family. It facilitates well-being in the relationship without allowing either partner to stay in a situation where they are being disrespected or mistreated.
Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, the woman replied to some of them
She and her fiancé did the right thing by putting her health and happiness before staying with someone who repeatedly put her needs last. The MIL may have created needless drama and drama, but the couple setting strong limitations and continuing without the MIL demonstrates just how a lot they respect one another by constructing a greater, more healthy place by protecting the toxicity at bay.
