AITA for Refusing to Give My Old Truck to My Parents After They Broke My Trust?
The poster, a financially secure adult, has a tradition of donating his old cars to his parents whenever he gets a new car. And the vehicles, often in good condition, are then passed on to the parents for a nominal fee — one dollar — so they can benefit from reliable transportation. Well, a situation occurred when one of these particular cars—a Jeep Patriot—was donated from the parents to the poster’s brother, and the brother then turned around and sold it for $12k. This betrayal inspired the poster to suggest another stipulation: If they got their parents a new car, that car would have to be the equivalent of a $1.00 buy-back agreement if the parents didn’t want it anymore.
The parents refused this condition and asserted full ownership and control of a vehicle given to them. Ultimately, the poster sold the truck privately for $27,000 and applied the funds toward the purchase of a new Bronco. Now, the parents are angry and driving around in an old Kia, saying the poster reneged on a promise. They state that their parents were never entitled to the truck in the first place, particularly after losing their trust.
Man gives his cars to his parents when he upgrades, wants them to have a safe ride, they give them to their 30-year-old son to sell for cash as he is jobless
The man says his parents have a soft spot for his fully-capable brother who can take care of himself and even went to university but was never able to hold down a real job
Balancing Generosity, Boundaries, and Family Expectations
This is a complicated story about family, including the complications that generosity creates when it comes to trust and fairness. Let’s examine the dynamics:
The Problem with Unconditional Generosity
You also are a generous person, because, yes, you can be both these things, too, but generosity that is regularly taken for granted, or worse, manipulated, turns into bitterness. The intent of the poster in donating cars was for their parents to be able to keep reliable transportation — not to help their brother, who is irresponsible. However, the spirit of the gift was not upheld by the parents who had given away the Jeep without checking with the poster — and allowed their son to benefit.
Setting boundaries is important where relationships are concerned, even when one is dealing with family (Psychology Today). Asking for a contract before any future cars were gifted was a perfectly reasonable boundary that the poster put in place in order to stop future exploitation of their kindness.
Trust vs. Entitlement
Entitlement, rather than gratitude, is pretty much what the parents in question were expressing when they reacted by insisting they ought to be in control of any car that was given to the 19 year-old, and it says a lot about the culture that surrounds car ownership these days. Even though gift giving leads to the receiver owning that object, gifts are often accompanied by some kind of quasi-bargain or sharing of expectation — this is especially true for families. There seems to be nothing unreasonable about expecting them to simply use the car as intended at best and not to hand it over for profit at worst.
Selling the truck privately allowed the poster to take their assets back and not deal with the same problems a second time. Perhaps the reason for the parents being disappointed has more to do with losing a free ride, than for any broken trust on the part of the poster.
Family Dynamics and Favoritism
This also highlights the pinched nerves from the impression of preferential treatment. Unlike the brother, whose employment was never stable, who lived off handouts most of his life, the poster is financially independent and does not have this chip on her shoulder. The fact that the parents decided to put the brother first—over what the poster wanted to do—has also likely bred resentment and a feeling of injustice. Having a frank discussion about these dynamics, with a family mediator or the like, may help avoid future disputes.
Netizens side with the man saying he’s not the jerk for refusing to give his car to his parents after they gave the other one to his brother to sell
NTA means not the asshole (In case poster is in a crowd& a translatator). Setting limits after having their trust violated seems completely justified, and any sense of entitlement on their parents’ part is unwarranted. While it is bad to exploit someone’s generosity, it is obvious this poster has been very generous in helping their parents out. Private sale of the truck was the right decision, and now the parents do not like it is only a natural product of their own behaviour.
